Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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