found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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