pop tarts are not kleenex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
