I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
