Already got asked if we're dating
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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