i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
