Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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