Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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