.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
