I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
