You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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