You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
