I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The Olympian is in my bed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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