and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
