Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
