Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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