Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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