i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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