I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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