White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
