I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
