I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
