my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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