Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
