someone get that fucking seahorse.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
