do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
