It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
