sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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