we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
