Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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