I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
