Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
