A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
