He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
