Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
