Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
