he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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