Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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