This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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