apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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