and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
