found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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