Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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