i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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