My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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