his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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