I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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