i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
