he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize