we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
