So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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