So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
