He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
