Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And then my night got REAL pukey
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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