I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
