i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
