so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
