yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
