I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
