addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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