Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
