You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
