I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
