We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
