Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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