nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
