You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i dont even know how to be here
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
