I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your cock deserves a montage
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
